The woman who appeared to be in her 80’s was pulling up to a gas pump in a crowded Ohio gas station. It was Friday, during rush-hour, and in big cities throughout the country, rush-hour Fridays suck. For most people, it’s the last work day of a long week and many are darting and dashing through thick as molasses traffic trying to get home as quick as a laser pointer goes from point A to point B. And some of these people will do all kinds of crazy stuff to get where they believe relief awaits them.
The woman’s husband was her co-pilot that day telling her how far the curb was, how close other cars were, and how close the pump was. Others in the lot watched the maneuvering without a problem until a Mr. Bad-Ass jumped out of pickup truck and started hollering at the octogenarian. He was hollering at the top of his lungs saying that she took his spot at the pump. He called her an asshole and a motherfucking dummy and that she couldn’t drive worth shit. He was hollering so loudly and acting so wildly that two other cars left the lot. The elderly woman, now scared to death, was also trying to leave while the man who looked to be in his 40’s, sporting a fashionable wife-beater t-shirt and flaunting his burly physique kept up his verbal abuse—all the way till she pulled out of the lot.
A witness who saw it all go down was going to get out of his car and punch the loudmouth in his snout, but his friend told him that he knew the man and he was a real trouble maker even going as far as fighting with police. His wife also discouraged him from confronting the man.
So, no one did anything. Maybe someone called the police but they didn’t arrive while it was occurring. It all happened so quickly that it would be unlikely the police could get there in time. The elderly woman who was probably a mother, perhaps an accomplished teacher in her day, or maybe even a business executive was scared out of her wits. She was humiliated. She was made to feel less than she probably already felt trying to make it successfully through that gas station lot. And her elderly husband—he couldn’t protect her. They had to run away. Perhaps the husband was a war hero back in his day. Perhaps a big-shot doctor or possibly a truck driver who moved throughout the highways and byways like a pro handling anything that came down the pike. But not that day. He simply went home with his wife. They probably cuddled to comfort each other when they got home. They probably cried. They probably asked each other how and when they got so old and frail. They lost a bit of their souls that day. They probably talked very little the rest of that evening and went to bed early. Maybe the next morning life would be better. A brighter, safer and more hopeful day. Yes, maybe.
I’ve dealt with people like Mr. Bad-Ass—lots of them. Mostly as a cop. Most are punks. They’re all mouth and full of bluster. It stops when someone threatens to kick their ass or actually does kick their ass or when police threaten to lock them up. Few are real tough guys and the ones who are, are a bit harder to stop. But most are big mouths with very little bad-ass backing it up. They pick on the weak. Like the old couple.
So what should we do when we see this sort of thing? Calling the police is always a good idea as that sort of disorderly conduct can get worse as it goes on. Should you hop out of your car and tell Mr. Bad –Ass that he’s nothing but a donkey’s scrotum? Yes! That sounds good but that may lead to a physical confrontation, and are you ready for that? I teach people how to physically handle these kinds of confrontations, if they turn physical. But I always preface that physical violence can lead to you being charged criminally or can lead to civil action. I tell students that these are decisions they themselves have to make. That I can’t give an answer to every possible confrontation and they have to do what their training, abilities and conscience leads them to do.
But in the long run, I think we can do something that will curtail these situations. It has to do with dealing with your children or children in your circle. Respect their ideas, opinions and conversations with you. By doing so, they feel like they’re ‘somebody’ and it starts showing them respect in a general sense. Let them be average sometimes. Let them make mistakes and love and respect them just as much as when they were great at something. Because these bullies—these pseudo tough guys are hurting broken human beings who most of the time, weren’t respected, loved unconditionally or were pushed too unrealistically. Doesn’t excuse their behavior and how they should be stopped, but it’s a fact.
If this true story moves you, I recommend that you consider helping kids in your circle to be whole. It’s not hard. It takes minutes during conversations. That’s really making a difference for the long run. And by doing so, maybe down the line when an old woman is trying to pull up to a gas pump or is doing something else and struggling at it, there will be less Mr. Bad-Asses to disrespect her. My guess is that’s exactly what will happen.
As for that parking lot situation, some might ask what I would have done. Well, I really like that donkey-scrotum line.
Steve's a three-time survivor of violence in his youth, a former police supervisor and a graduate of The Police Executive Leadership College (PELC) and was also an award winning part-time college Criminal Justice instructor.
For several years, Steve did written and radio political and current event commentary and was the former host of the long running 'The Kovacs Perspective' Internet radio and TV talk show.
Steve presently owns a small businesses in Ohio--The Mayfield Academy of Self-Defense.
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